Some addiction experts believe that every addict has an enabler–someone who is supportive of the addict in ways that do more harm than good. As an addict spirals downward, his or her enabler may be the person who pays the bills, cleans up the messes, and helps lie to cover the illness. An enabler may also be someone close to the addict who denies there is a real problem. In other words, the enablers are those who make it possible–consciously or subconsciously–for the addict to continue her destructive behaviors.
It can be extremely difficult for those close to an addict to recognize their roles in the addiction, and it’s important to note that no one can make an addict change, except the addict herself. However, knowing the right ways to help someone with an active addiction can make a difference. If you are close to someone with a drug or alcohol addiction, it’s important to evaluate your behaviors and your responses to the situations that arise. Here are some examples of the wrong way to help an addict who is actively drinking or using:
- Giving the addict cash. Whether he seeks alcohol, prescription drugs or illegal drugs, handing a wad of cash to an addict is never a good idea. If you are paying for rehab, pay directly. If you want to offer food, buy the groceries yourself.
- Lying to others about the addiction. You might be doing this to save yourself embarrassment or you might be doing it to help the addict keep a job, apartment or friends, but the bottom line is that it’s detrimental. Protecting the addict from the consequences of addiction is not going to save either of you.
- Cleaning up the messes. This might be as literal as cleaning up vomit or it may be more complicated, like talking someone into giving the addict a second chance. This can be very complex for a spouse trying to protect children from the “messes” created by the addicted husband or wife, which is why it’s important to get support from a therapist or a group for families of alcoholics and drug addicts–even if your loved one is not yet in recovery.
- Helping the addict live comfortably. Addiction will usually take its toll on an addict’s ability to earn a living. It may take years to get to that point, but chances are that it will eventually get there. Though it can be difficult to see someone turned out on the street, putting a roof over the head of an actively using addict may be a dangerous choice–for you and for the addict.
Here are some examples of the right way to help an addict:
- Learn about addiction. Educating yourself on the disease can change the way you see the addict and interpret her behavior, helping you to respond in more appropriate ways.
- Join a support group. If you love someone with an addiction, this may be the only place you truly feel understood. It can be difficult at first, but in time, chances are you will benefit from the knowledge and support you gain in a group setting.
- Discover rehabilitation options. Know where your loved one can go for help and establish communication with the rehabilitation clinic. They may offer you helpful advice on presenting the information to your loved one.
- Establish personal boundaries. Whether you are the spouse or a friend, it’s important to know where your lines are drawn and what actions you will take to enforce them. Think this through before a crisis, rather than during.
- Eliminate negative influences. Friends who aren’t going to be supportive in the process of recovery for your loved one, should be replaced. Invest in relationships that lead to personal growth.
Navigating life with an addict can be difficult. It’s important to get the help you need now.
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