It is all too easy for families of addicts (and alcoholics) to operate under the assumption that if their loved one “fixes” the addiction and substance abuse, the troubles within the family unit–as well as their own emotional pain–will go away. Unfortunately, recovery and family dynamics are not so simple. Subconscious, unhealthy patterns often develop in families of addicts that are not entirely the fault of the addict and do not go away simply because the addicted individual spent time in a treatment center and becomes clean and sober.
Dr. Howard Shaffer of Harvard Medical School encourages loved ones of alcoholics and those who abuse drugs to seek education about addiction and therapeutic support for themselves, even before their loved one pursues recovery. Overall, he stresses three main points:
- Each family member is responsible for his or her own behavior. You cannot make the addicted individual change. You also cannot blame your loved one for your own behavior as a parent, spouse or child.
- As family members establish peace and order in their lives, the addicted individual will adapt. The addicted individual does not need to control and set the tone for your family. He or she may not always seek help once you do. However, establishing that you are changing and getting help can set a positive example.
- We determine the quality of our own lives. Blaming an addict for our troubles might be easy, but it isn’t always accurate. You alone control your destiny. Taking back that control might require the support and encouragement of others who have been there, but it is worth it.
At Mt. Regis, we believe that recovery is for the entire family. In addition to the free family education we offer each Wednesday at 5:30, we encourage family members to join a 12-step support group in their area such as Al-Anon or Alateen.
Mt. Regis Center is a substance abuse rehabilitation center in Salem, Virginia, dedicated to providing you or your loved one with high quality medical treatment. Please call 877-217-3447 to speak with a member of our staff. Or fill out this help form, and we will contact you right away.
Comments on this entry are closed.